lots of words, lots of tears, and I still don't feel better. We talk and talk and talk but nothing seems to be said. I get the feeling that unless I "cave in" and say that I'll change, that this same, or similar, scenario will take place time and time again. And, I'm not sure that I want that.
I am hard-headed and stubborn, but give me a break. Why, with all that I have going on in my life right now, must I explain myself? Why must I apologize for being mopey and quiet (and perhaps grouchy, too)? Why can't people just put two and two together to realize that it's not about "them." Ever think that maybe it's about me? That maybe I'm the one with the issue(s) and you just happen to be around during the time that I'm trying to deal with it/them? I didn't think so. Sometimes, people need to understand that another person's actions aren't necessarily about them. I know, that's a tough one to comprehend.
I guess I've never been a sensitive person and therefore don't understand people who are extremely sensitive. I've also never been one to tip-toe around people and act like everything is FANTASTIC when it's not! I'm a "what you see is what you get" kind of gal! If I'm having a good day, then you'll see my good day. If I'm having a bad day, then you'll see my bad day. In the comforts of my own home, I'd expect that I could be myself. I can see that's not the case.
Is it possible for me to change who I am after all these years? I don't think so. What next? Do I give up? Do I say "you win?" What? Someone please tell me.
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1 comment:
I'm so sorry that you have such an overflowing plate. What an unbelievable load, especially for someone who strives to be at her best every moment.
I can't begin to meaningfully advise you because I'm not walking in your shoes. But I do know this: you are a remarkable woman, a remarkable person. And if anyone can handle this myriad of stresses, it's you. Really.
My only thoughts are these:
- Be you. It's such a good you.
- Continue to walk your straight line of "this is what you get. At the end of the day, your demeanor is comforting to those around you, even if they don't like the flavor of the moment.
- Finally, cut yourself a break (and insist that those around you also cut you an occasional break). You suggest---and probably believe---that you are not entitled to a day off, but I respectfully disagree. You are. You just are.
- Remember that people near and far---spatially and temporally---think so much of you. You've so much to offer, and my world is better for having you in it.
:), Leigh
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