I'm not sensitive to the feelings of others. I don't put on a happy face all the time. I'm not all gushy over people. I'm not allowed to have "off days" or even "off weeks." I'm not allowed to feel like crap. I'm not allowed to be unsocial. I'm not allowed to be moody. I'm not allowed to be quiet and say few, if any words. I'm to blame when others get their feelings hurt. I'm to blame when company cuts their visit short. Or goodness forbid, that my hormones AND stress may play a factor in ALL of the above.
Anyone curious about why I didn't go to FL? How about I didn't want to make those around me feel sad like I was feeling. How about I wanted to be in a place, my home, where I could "hide" and cry as much as I want. Nope, guess you didn't know all of those things. It's so much easier to just think that I'm an insensitive and uncaring person.
Did you think that leaving would make things better? NOPE! How about Nutz's feelings? Or what about CC? But as Nutz would say to me (and often does), it's much easier to run away.
As I said in my Christmas Eve post, I'm me and I've been this way for 38 years. Some people like me and others don't. At this stage of my life, I'm probably not going to change my personality. I'm sorry if your feelings get hurt every single time you're around me. I certainly don't intentionally try to hurt your feelings.
AND finally, I'm not a good communicator and I know that. I've got lots on my mind beyond being pregnant, stressing about an upcoming deployment, work stress (yes, I'm thankful to have a job), and the holidays (and being away from family and missing loved ones who are no longer with me). With that said, you might want to read this article on mood swings during pregnancy. Or, perhaps you might read this article about deployment stress. Or, even this article on work stress. Or, perhaps you might choose to read this article about stress during the holidays. Each of us deals with stress in a different way so don't judge me for the way I deal with it. And please don't take things personally!
I have so many other things that I'd like to say but will keep them to myself. I've never been one to blame others for my actions or inactions. So, I'm not going to start today.
I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!
~Dr. Seuss
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!
~Dr. Seuss
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