Christmas Eve

and home alone. By choice, but home alone, none-the-less. It's been a stressful week around our house with the news that Nutz is deploying for a year. He'll most likely miss the birth of his son and the first 10 months of his life. I've not slept and I've cried more tears than I knew possible. I'm one of those "what if" people so I worry about everything. The holidays have always been a stressful time for me, don't know why, but they have been. So put the news and the holidays together and you have one stressed out Crackerz. Oh yeah! I'm pregnant so add the crazy hormones, too.

I digress. If I'm not laughing, smiling, and being full of glee, don't take it personally. Just realize that I have a lot going on in my life right now and entertaining you and worrying about how you feel is not at the top of my list. There might be a day when I want to stay in my pjs all day and cry. Let me. I may be fine one minute and crying the next. Let me. Don't tell me that everything will be alright, I know that. Don't tell me that I'll have lots of people to help. I know that. But I'm sorry, it's not the same when it's not your husband and the father of your child. Don't ask me what you can do, just do it. What is "it"? I don't care, do something. If I have to take the time to tell you what to do then I might as well do it myself. If I want to stay in my room and not be social, don't take it personally, there's a reason. And, it's probably because I want to cry and I don't like an audience. If I go to bed before you, don't take it personally. I always go to bed early.

Bottom line, just because I don't act like you (happy and smiling all the time) doesn't mean I don't love you and don't accept you for you. Accept me for who I am (grouchy and all). If not, well, there's not much I can do about it.